Internet Safety
I know, I know. This is something you have heard about a thousand times, right? Yet you still don’t really practice it. Yes, I am talking to you. You put your pictures of your children on facebook in a very public forum. “They are set to friends only”, you say. So you mean to tell me you know every single one of your several hundred friends? I didn’t think so. Those people you have picked up over time on facebook, you don’t know them. They may be gaming friends. They may be friends of friends. They may even be someone you have not spoke with in many, many years. So tell me now, how well do you really know these people?
The amount of personal information, pictures, and yes, your children’s pictures that goes on facebook is a nightmare. If your privacy settings are set to friends, friends of friends, or *gasp* public, you are inviting serious trouble. People have picked up real life, very scary, stalkers from facebook. We won’t even discuss the “places check-ins” and how absolutely unsafe those are. I’ve seen the following on people’s profiles:
home phone numbers
cell phone numbers
relatives
email address
children’s pictures
pictures of mail with home addresses (I mean really, WTF here?!?!)
I would never put my children’s pic in any type of a public setting, because I have no control over who sees them. There are pedophiles who creep the internet, AND facebook, looking for a child’s picture that peaks their interest. There have been children abducted by creepy people. There are teenagers who start chatting with strangers they think are their age, only to find out when they meet them in person what a terrible mistake they made.
There are also those status games people play. “Comment with the city and state you were born!” etc. Did you know, that along with the email address, the home address, relatives (where your mother’s maiden name is potentially displayed!) and all the other personal info, you have just given someone free access to steal your identity. It doesn’t take much. If someone knows what they’re doing, they could take a lot of this info and get in to your email. Stop and think about what potentially is in there. And how many places password resets can be requested from. Before you even knew what was happening, your identity can be stolen.
These are just a couple of examples off the top of my head. There are more scenarios that I could list but I think you get the just. Be careful of what you’re putting on the internet for your own safety as well as the safety of your families. <3
How parents should NOT act at their children’s sporting events
I am going to use an example from when The Diva was a cheerleader, on how parents should NOT act at their children’s sporting events.
We were at the final game for their division. The game was pretty intense, but the opposing team was definitely going to lose. There were some calls by the referees that the parents of the opposing team did not agree with. The coach of the opposing team did not agree with some of them either. There was much screaming by these adults in the middle of the field. Police were brought in. These parents were escorted out (football is serious business, yo) In the meantime, the coach of the opposing team came marching all the way across the field and bashed our coach in the face with a helmet. Cue much more outrage by the parents. Ok seriously? what did you teach the kids you are coaching here? I mean other than how to be a douche? Our coach wiped the blood off his face from his broken nose, and stayed calm (I still do not know HOW) and got back to business. Police came back in, arrested opposing coach, game commenced, opposing team lost. Our coach told me later that yes, he wanted to kick the other coach’s ass, but he couldn’t do it with “his kids” watching. He is my hero. THAT is the way to teach your kids how to behave at children’s sporting events.
Now, this game was in a town I was not familiar with, and I did not realize I parked on the WAY wrong side of the school. I was walking back to my car with my daughter, and two other cheerleaders I was giving rides home (I was a coach, this was not unsual for me to take multiple cheerleaders to their houses after a game). I apparently parked on the side where all the parents from opposing team parked. Crap. And this is where I had to be the bigger person, shut my mouth (which as you know is hard for me to do), and set an example to these girls on how parents should act at children’s sporting events. This walk through the parking lot felt like it took an hour, though it was just a few minutes. These outraged parents were screaming obsenities at us, saying our team had cheated (seriously? how can you cheat at a VERY closely refereed game?) and started throwing shit at us. I am not going to lie, it took every ounce of strength I owned to not stop in my tracks and say something, but as I said, these parents were prime examples of how NOT to act, and I had to show these girls how you SHOULD act. We did get to the car safely, though one asshat tried to bash my windshield in with I can’t even remember what it was, and I had a very long talk with these girls about what happened both on the field, and in the parking lot on the way home.
Now I have been to many, many different sporting events not just for my children, but for friend’s children, nieces/nephews, etc. I think I have seen it all. I have seen everything from the ex-wife/current wife getting in to a screaming match and almost ready to let the fists fly until they get pulled apart, to the parents who demean their child for not performing up to their standards.
The demeaning parents are the ones that piss me off the most. Just because you couldn’t/didn’t/whatever do said sport, does not mean that your child needs to, nor does it mean your child should perform to your standards. What happened to when we put our children in sports for FUN? When your child is standing on the sidelines, or in the dugout, crying because YOU just reamed him for not performing to your expectations or for making an error, then you are an absolute failure as a parent. Kids make mistakes. Kids should do sports for fun. If your child is out there crying because of you, then your child is not having fun.
You are usually the parent who signs the child up for said sport, knowing he/she didn’t want to do it in the first place, or is not physically up to it. Before you sign any child up for any sport, you should talk to your child about what this sport will involve, and hey even try ASKING if they even want to do it? and if you do get your child involved in sports, which is fabulous, don’t be a failure of a parent by demeaning the child by screaming, yelling, or talking down to them either on OR off the field. Not only are you setting a bad example, but you are giving the child a very poor image of themselves. So when that child grows up to have self image problems, be sure to pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
If you have been guilty of any of the above, you are a failure of a parent. if this post pisses you off, then you are a failure of a parent because it hit a nerve. why would it hit a nerve….well just let me sit back and think about that……
Frenemies
Let’s discuss the differences between Facebook friends, whom you have never met in person and likely never will, versus “In real life” type of friends (from this point forward IRL), that you see frequently. We all have both types of friends, so which is better? And why? One is almost always fucked up, the other, is amazing.
We will start with the IRL friends. These can range anywhere from people you’ve known all your life, to a co-worker that you really hit it off with and now hang with on the weekends. These are people you will stand up for without question (even when you know they’re in the wrong), you go to all the big events in their lives such as graduations, birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, children’s birthday parties, spend holidays and vacations with, etc. You have photo albums full of pictures of you with these friends, and all the good times you have had together. You have memories with these people, some good, some bad. You have bared your soul to these friends, and they know everything about you.
Next, let’s discuss your Facebook friends (but really, any social/blogging network can be interchanged here) These are people that you have never met, and probably never will. You “met” online from a common interest such as a game, a fan page, a mutual friend, or something similar. Comments are exchanged back and forth. Eventually you “move up in the world” in to the message box, where you then start messaging each other back and forth. You realize you have so much more in common than you ever thought! Soon you start to turn to these friends for advice to problems you don’t think your IRL friends will understand, or want an unbiased opinion on. You wonder where this amazing friend has been all your life! Over time you form a very strong friendship, and don’t stop for a minute to think how funny it is you have never met this person offline.
Now, let’s give a scenario, and put these two friend types to the test.
You come home from work early one day, and want to surprise your spouse with an afternoon of hot unbridled sex. You rush in the house, throw open the bedroom door, only to see that while your spouse IS enjoying an afternoon of hot unbridled sex, you were not invited, or even notified. Your spouse jumps up, forgetting he and his fuck buddy are naked, and starts with “It’s not what it looks like….let me explain….” Explain my ass, do I look like I was born yesterday? Once the dust settles from the war that ensues, who do you turn to? Do you turn to your IRL friends, who are mutual friends of you and your spouse who you just caught butt ass naked fucking the neighbor? Or do you turn to your Facebook friends?
Now I know IRL friends always promise they will not take sides in the case of divorce, but I’ve seen it happen, you’ve seen it happen. IRL friends always do choose sides. Chances are the spouse you just caught, had been having an affair for a while (or whatever the particulars were in your situation…this is just one scenario out of thousands I can randomly pull out of my ass), and had already begun to “build his case” with these IRL friends. In their eyes, they are going with your spouse in the divorce, not with you. Why? Because they believed the tale of bullshit he has been spinning in advance, you know, in case you did happen to catch his cheating ass. Were they ever really friends? At some point, yes they were. Are they now? Fuck no. Now they have turned into drama hungry asshats who only want to sit back sipping their wine and discussing where you went wrong, because of course it couldn’t be the fault of the lying cheating fucktard you just caught, now can it?
Your Facebook friends, however, have known for months that you suspected your spouse was cheating on you. They have been encouraging you to confront him, talk to him, ask him, and/or even try to figure out what is wrong and work it out. They will be the ones still there to help pick up the pieces and put you back together. They will be the ones offering to fly across the country just to be there for you, when the IRL friends have turned their back on you in favor of drama. Your Facebook friends will be the ones still around after the ink dries on the divorce documents, and they will be the ones laughing their ass off with you when your now ex-spouse’s fuck buddy who is now the nightmare wife from hell, cheats on him and does to him what he did to you. They will also be the ones who will still be around long after the dust settles, and you have forgotten all about “what’s his name”. The only thing Facebook friends can’t do is give you a hug when you really need it, but wait…where the fuck are all your IRL friends to give you this hug? Oh that’s right, they left with “what’s his name”.
I have had the good fortune of meeting quite a number of my “online” friends in person, have vacationed with them, have had them in my home, have been in their home, talk to them, text with them, and hang out with them on a regular basis. I now have new memories, new photos, and these amazing people in my life. And you know what? I do not miss the IRL friends even a little, because true friendship does not take sides, and does not leave you behind in favor of drama.
There ARE creepy stalker type people out on the internet, don’t get me wrong (and there are creepy stalker type people you know IRL too). But I have had the good fortune to meet some pretty damn amazing people in the 10+ years I have been blogging. You should always take caution in sharing personal details of your life with anyone you meet on the internet and even more caution meeting anyone offline. Safety first always.
That’s my story, I’m sticking to it.
Deadbeat PARENTS, not just for dad anymore
When I posted the picture a few weeks ago of the skeleton lady sitting on the bench, with the title “Waiting for child support” I had no idea the amount of comments I would get on that. I found it funny, because that is me. Waiting, and waiting for the child support that only comes every few months, if that. What I failed to know, is how little people really realize that dead beat parents are not just for dad anymore, this also applies to mothers. So when one of my lovely readers suggested I write about dead beat dads, I loved the idea because I thought what better time to make people more aware it’s not just the dads?
Courts are awarding dads custody of the child(ren) more and more. You have no idea how many times I have heard “and he just got custody, that’s unheard of in this state, they always side with the mom”. Well yes, they used to. But the courts are slowly starting to wise up and realize that placement of custody with the mother is NOT always in the child(ren)s best interest. The courts are actually starting to pay attention during custody proceedings, and they are starting to make rulings in favor of the fathers. (and yes, I am aware this is not always the case, but it IS happening more than you know/realize)
Now, with that being said, this changes the way child support in general works. Mom doesn’t make as much as dad? That doesn’t matter. If the child(ren) live with dad, mom needs to support her spawn in the same manner a dad would have to. Women wanted equal rights. Guess what? You can’t pick and choose what rights you want equality on.
I had a dear friend who fought, and fought, and fought to get his children away from their drug addicted mother. It was a long financially and mentally draining process, but he did finally win. He was not made of money. In fact, he struggled as a single dad the same way single moms do. I don’t recall ever once hearing about him actually getting child support from the dead beat mom, nor did I ever hear him complain about it. The only think he complained about was that “Mom” (and I use the term very loosely) didn’t call on birthdays or holidays. She always “forgot”. Sound familiar? That’s because it is. Dead beat parents are just that, dead beat parents. It doesn’t matter if they are mom or dad.
When you have a child with someone, whether you are the mother, OR the father, it’s your responsibility to live up to your obligations, whether it works out with you and baby mama/baby daddy. Your child deserves every ounce of support from you, their PARENT, not mom, not dad, PARENT, are ordered by the court to provide. Your child also serves emotional support, loving support, and for you to grow the fuck up and act like the parent, not their friend. (I will save that for another blog) Spend time with your kids. Go to their events (sports, school, etc). And most importantly listen when they want to talk to you.
I am lucky on one hand, because my baby daddy is active in my kid’s lives, and spends time with them. On the other hand, I have heard every excuse in the book as to why he can’t pay his child support on time, or at all.
So the bottom line is, I understand the frustration on not getting your child support, believe me, I understand being on that end. But what you lovely readers need to understand, is that this is NOT just a dead beat dad thing anymore, it’s a dead beat PARENT thing now. We’re in the year 2011. It’s time to pull the mentality out of the 1950s and live in the present.